actually, I'm a sock model
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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