I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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