Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
