I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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