coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize