You really coming over, don't trick.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
