Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
