I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize