If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
