remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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