It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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