So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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