He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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