What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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