My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
