You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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