Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
