He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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