I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
