My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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