I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
