I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
