Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
