today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
