come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
