He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
