I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
