watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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