He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
