Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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