Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
