From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
