two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Im part way to drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
