It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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