I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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