I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
pray to the hookup gods
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
