her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
