I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
