It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
