I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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