Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
