when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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