remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
