In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
