ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
