Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize