I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
