Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
