I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
