I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
