I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
