Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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