If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
