I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
