I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's the barista slut.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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