Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
