Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
