I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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