you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
