This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
