What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
