i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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