I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
