She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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