So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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