wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
