the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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